“…Now, go see how good you can get.”

The day that I will move to Manila is now fast approaching. I know, I mentioned that I would move by the end of October, but since the Board Exams is now moved from February 2016 to March 2016, thus moving the start of our review sessions in Topnotch from November 2 to November 15.

I plan to move on November 14, Saturday, and just take it easy their in Fairview as the very next day is the start of me being a monk of studies for the next 4-5 months.

Sure, I have already started reading, but to my dismay, nothing seems to be entering my brain. I guess, that is a natural thing for students without the pressure. So, I am banking on the fear, the pressure, of the review and impending exam to get my head accepting these subjects.

I will be with my mother because for many reasons: A) She was there when my sister was preparing for the same exam 5 years ago, so it would be unfair if she supported my sister and left me alone there B) I need not worry about preparing my food or getting my clothes washed and prepared (HEY! That amount of time can be used for studying!), and C) she is my shock-absorber; I need someone that can keep me sane when the stress of the studies and impending exams will get the better of me.

As the day of the move is getting ever closer, I don’t know what to feel. I am suddenly numb. I used to be excited, and most of the time, scared and nervous. Nowadays, I am numb, I am apathetic… I have flat affect. This then bring into mind that One Punch Man (I don’t read the manga, I just see it everywhere) when he just says “OK”.

This is me lately.

There is no denying that I am nervous about the exam, but I guess as I am spending a few more days here in Pampanga before I move to Manila and study for the next coming months, I decided to not give so much of a damn for now, because if I do stress about it now, then I will look back on these days when the review has finally begun and think to myself, “Why didn’t I take it easy while I still can?”. I don’t want to completely drain out before I even start my review in Topnotch.

There is still a load of things I need to accomplish: fix most of my friends’ gadgets; get my sister’s laptop and iPhone up and running; get all the necessary paper work ready; get pens, notepads, etc… The list can go on forever.

But I will do these in my own pace for the next coming days before the 14th.

All these years of hurt in medicine; all those sleepless nights for exams/quizzes; all those literal blood sweat and tears in clerkship… I once said after my graduation, “Thank goodness that is over”. Looking back, I shouldn’t have said that. Those experiences are training me for my future. Yes, it was hard, but it wasn’t hard for no reason. The program… the professors… the people… during those times were training you for your chosen career.

It is like how Steve Young once said “You’re getting trained to be GREAT. Now, go see how GOOD you can get”.

And I will see how good… and great I can get.

PEACE!

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