I have been battling insomnia since high school, but it has hit me real hard these past 4 months… There will be days where I would be awake from more than 48 hours. This was all fine and dandy when I was still having my hospital duties, but now since I am just doing some self studies and hardly out and about, it is quite cumbersome.
I have seen many sunrises without having slept a wink, having to have the old saying of rising with the sun, thrown out the window, only having to wake up past lunch and none the more energetic. I may have clocked in 8 hours or so of sleep, but having to wake up in the afternoon somehow forces procrastination to rear its ugly head on me.
Let us look back when I still had hospital duties, of course, when my 24 hour duties end, I go home to a nice shower, then get knocked out, knowing that I have accomplished something worth staying up for prior. Waking up past lunch didn’t feel as horrible knowing that it was indeed your prize for the hectic day before. I am not saying studying the whole day is not worth while, but having patients saying thank you or your bosses saying good job provides for immediate gratification, whereas my studies will be put to the ultimate test on February 2016. So there is no sense of true accomplishment just yet.
As of this writing, I am awake for 30 hours; if you follow me on Twitter or read some of my previous posts here, it is almost like nothing new. I have been saying this a lot, and as mentioned above, I have had this problem since high school only to have it become worse these past 4 months.
Here’s hoping, yet again, that staying up today will reset my circadian rhythm, because it seems my suprachiasmatic nucleus of my hypothalamus needs a little help in getting me back to a regular sleep pattern… then again, I keep on blaming my hypothalamus, it is probably my pineal gland’s fault for not secreting melatonin in spite of being in complete darkness trying to catch those Z’s. Ah well, forget pointing fingers on my physiologic shortcomings… Just gotta find a way to fix this.
And to think today I am supposed to go to the nation’s capital for another medical convention. I want to go because I am losing my mind studying lately and it will help me bond, yet again, with my future bosses in the field of medicine, and particularly, cement my name even before entering any department of internal medicine.
But I don’t know if I can last listening to lectures today in the convention or even put up a good, witty, conversation with the doctors. Knowing me, though, I will subconsciously find a way to get through this all. It helps that my train of thought is not of my age group, I think much older than that, and having English as my primary language, I can toss in some jokes here and there easily.
Anyways, as my eyes are getting heavier, I am none the sleepier, however, I will end this post here to grab brunch and get my things ready for the convention.
Stay tuned for my post tonight while I am in Manila as to what antics I have done or what shenanigans me and my pals decide to do today, while I flirt with the possibility of falling asleep while doing random things.
Til then! PEACE!
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