Not really sure what is really bothering me and as to why I am in such a rut today. Just today in particular, but then again, I can’t speak of tomorrow, I might, hopefully not, be much in a rut like I am today.
It could be because I miss some one, I don’t know… Could it be because I wish I could go out and see the world without the constraints of having a wheelchair, crutches, or a cane, I don’t know… Could it be because I miss working in the hospital, maybe…
It might really be the workaholic in me that years to return to the hospital and work (without pay), interact with patients and my mentors, and learn. I miss those hectic schedules where having to stop and take your breath can mean the differences between the life and death of another person (and subsequently yours by your bosses that will claim negligence).
I guess I just miss being a doctor… though I may not have a license yet, but I’m ever closer to get my license, had it not been this injury. Sans the license, being in the hospital, seeing patients as a doctor, a medical senior intern, and not merely a medical student, giving your diagnoses and management to your resident boss and have it right, and then earn praise, is the best feeling for a young doctor. I miss impressing… I miss overdoing things… I miss being toxic.
A little, huge, setback was this injury, I might be delayed (no I am not pregnant! lol) for the medical licensure exams next August, and forced to take the following exam on the immediate February after, broke my heart, but seeing as everything happens for a reason, I look at the bright and say hey, at least I get more time to prepare and target a great score in the exams… Better late than never anyways.
Hope my feeling of depression and frustration will end soon…